Monday, July 24, 2006

Am I Bovered?!

No one has ever told me to eat shit and die and for that fact no one has ever told me to "put on the lights, we're not living in the 80's anymore"

American comediene Erma Bombeck said that when a child reaches its teens, its parents become as interesting as kitchen utensils. I can picture it now. A kid comes home and looks its parent straight in the eye and asks: "Any one home?"

Teens have an impecable sense of irony and their bodily functions seem to slow down. During the summer they tend to get up at around noon, if then. They then transfer their body to the "breakfast" table (upper body first, then lower body) and tend to show verry weak signs of life.

You will never know if they are hungry or not. Hunger is not up to them to decide.

You have to give teenagers time to adjust. They are moving to adult hood and they can be confused, or even scared heaven forbid; their theology teachers may have told them on the brink of summer holiday's that he/she is saving him/herself for Jesus and is living a life of celibacy.

You don't get over something like that too quick.

Teenagers tend to live an "OK-Life". Most of the things they experience to be 'OK'or then the extreme 'it's OK'

When an anemic teenager gives a presentation infront of a class and everyone else has to mark it the teacher is pretty much guaranteed 28 'it was OK' reports. Teenagers are always 'OK'- if it is absolutelly necessary to answer to such a question.

And there will always be morons asking.

Puberty is a phase when the comings and goings of adults are insignificant. This is easily detected from the over use and emphasis on vowels in their speech. The 'Teensound': sounds pathetic and dispicable "-Doooon't staaaart!" Breaks your heart doesn't it? You can already imagine your young child saying that to you in few years time.

There is only one cure for this disease: time. It is abundantly clear that with time the teens legs will shrink to the size of the french fries they eat and their mouth's form to the shape of Salami Pizza's or Big Macs. Their ear's will stretch so that the biggest head phones will fit into them. Their thumbs will double in size and switch places.

The teens are not laughing.

"Am I bovered? speak to the hand"

If they're not 'bovered' then they genuinely are not interested. All you can do is shout out OMG (or Oh my God, to those who still speak properly) or LOL (laugh out loud) and try and agree that the teens' black T-shirt that says Violent Femmes is pretty cool.

"It's a band you moron! I ain't bovered!"


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