Dooms Day Prophecies

Scaring people with about end of the world is a lucrative profession. Large amount of docents, government bodies, Greenpeace, EPA and countless of other organizations kept alive by the society.

Nearly every morning when I turn on the TV I hear about a new environmental disaster waiting to happen or the latest developments of El Nino, often backed up by some over excited, militant like environmentalist. In these rather religious morning masses people predict the polar caps melting and the Golf stream freezing causing another ice age.

For the last 40 years the media has been screaming at the top of its lungs about the pollution in oceans, but yet each summer most of us come to divulge them selves in leisure activities in the sea, bathe in the sun, even though it is said the ozone depletion causes skin cancer. People also satisfy their hunger from the produce of these oceans.

It seems that environmental agencies have proclaimed a competition about who can scare people to submission first about the next imminent threat ending all civilization. When one organization finds a piece of ship paint in the rocks, it calls for extensive research and cleansing of the area, effectively wasting a millions of public funds.

There have been some political parties that have said that the ocean’s are so polluted that we should not consume fish, mainly due to dioxide. Even though you would need to consume 220 000 tones of fish to catch a slightest amount in your blood stream!

Governments, universities and financial organizations back a wide plethora of dooms day preachers. In the Finnish TV show MOT and a wide variety of highly respected news outlets have come to agree that a majority of these prophecies and calls of “end of the world” are false. TV pundits would be quick to disagree and adamantly point out that every single hurricane, tsunami, storm, flood is caused ultimately by humans.

Some churches and religions have created their popularity by making people believe that judgment day is nigh and we must all repent. When our well respected patriarchs have given up on talks about God punishing us for our sins as in the hundreds of years of organized religions existing God has failed to rain fire from the skies, it seems that TV pundits and university professors have taken up their job.

Talking about the environment gains political parties free votes, higher positions, and backing from other political parties. PhD’s get more funding for their, often nonessential, studies and get to travel the world and visit seminars.

Health secretaries have become high priestess’ of health fascism, who believes that everything that you eat is poisonous and will kill you. This insanity began over 40 years ago when they declared that sugar, salt, butter, milk, bread, meat, egg etc were classed as potential dangers.

We see the effects of this every time we visit the grocery store. We see a selection of “healthy living” products, light spreads and the scared consumers buying these products. People are so petrified that soon we will see that we lose our hereditary ability of having everyday meals with the family and lose the dinner table conversations. Half the people dining can’t eat the food being served because an official government health body has declared the produce harmful.

How could we convince all the health fascists, dooms day preachers, environmental terrorists and other trend environmentalists to say that half of their claims are made up?

We must only hope that the future will laugh at all the health fascism and all the dooms day prophecies.

The Kindergarten Cop

If war serves no other purpose, it at least works as a prime example of putting the blame on some one else. The latest "we-don't-want-war-but-they-started-it" example comes from the conflict between Israel and Hezbollah. Countless of civilians, including children and the elderly are forced to live in bomb shelters, while the big boys are trying to find out who is who. Two nations again digging each other’s graves and further affecting the downward spiral of evil.

There is a slight difference between the bombings of Lebanon and bombing Iraq. The latter was bombed in the "name of the free world" and Lebanon are taking hammering more or less due to territorial gains. Israel will say otherwise, but I think the general consensus is that the two soldiers have been forgotten.

I think The Times got it right: Esam Haider, a civilian who took safety in the bomb shelters, rather ironically says "Why are they giving the Israeli's weapons and food to us?" Esam is referring to the indifference of the USA, where president Bush keeps the nation's defence and military operations greased due to the aid they provide Israel, who will most likely carry on its attacks against Beirut. After the bombings are over USA will appear to the scene as the Christ like saviour handing out food and blankets to those left homeless and injured by their own bombs. Rather ironic.

Haider makes other rather peculiar observation about the situation by asking "Is Bush trying to make us fat, while he provides Israel even bigger bombs that are going to kill us anyways?"

People at aid organisations are stunned as well. The Times also quoted an anonymous source at the Red Cross. The source comments the situation by saying "The US are shipping in their own aid, but has not made demands for Israel to open a safe passage for other nations, who could help the Red Cross' and UN's work."

It was completely obscene, after the USA handed over their Stars and Stripes laden aid packages to the Red Cross in a fancy ceremony, that Israel dropped four destructive bombs in to a suburb in Beirut. I wonder what Hezbollah targets they were aiming at.

Whose fault is this mess then? Hezbollah are no saints in this crisis, though Israel's reaction has been completely opposite to that what you would expect from a civilised nation. Both Hezbollah and Israel are responsible for each of the lives lost in the daily bombings.

Further adding to the chaos of the situation, the UN security advisory has not reached an agreement on how to condemn Israel's attack on the UN outpost. The strike killed four people who were working in the area in the name of peace. Despite at least 12 calls to the Israeli army to seize fire, from the station were ignored. The USA is refusing to criticise its business partner! The UN's authority is reduced to the spoiled sport of the play park. Added to this Israel has shown complete arrogance by announcing that the International leaders agree with its military actions as they could not arrive at a conclusion on a proposed seize fire.

I think it would be best if we send in a Kindergarten teacher to solve this conflict. They deal with children's fights over honour, integrity and conscience on a daily basis. Teaching is a respectable profession as in situations much like the above example on children and the bigger picture of Israel and Hezbollah. When teachers are solving conflicts they first look at what happened, make the parties involved apologise and then everyone goes home in peace.
Too bad some people are too dumb and too selfish to find a simple resolution to their problems.

Am I Bovered?!

No one has ever told me to eat shit and die and for that fact no one has ever told me to "put on the lights, we're not living in the 80's anymore"

American comediene Erma Bombeck said that when a child reaches its teens, its parents become as interesting as kitchen utensils. I can picture it now. A kid comes home and looks its parent straight in the eye and asks: "Any one home?"

Teens have an impecable sense of irony and their bodily functions seem to slow down. During the summer they tend to get up at around noon, if then. They then transfer their body to the "breakfast" table (upper body first, then lower body) and tend to show verry weak signs of life.

You will never know if they are hungry or not. Hunger is not up to them to decide.

You have to give teenagers time to adjust. They are moving to adult hood and they can be confused, or even scared heaven forbid; their theology teachers may have told them on the brink of summer holiday's that he/she is saving him/herself for Jesus and is living a life of celibacy.

You don't get over something like that too quick.

Teenagers tend to live an "OK-Life". Most of the things they experience to be 'OK'or then the extreme 'it's OK'

When an anemic teenager gives a presentation infront of a class and everyone else has to mark it the teacher is pretty much guaranteed 28 'it was OK' reports. Teenagers are always 'OK'- if it is absolutelly necessary to answer to such a question.

And there will always be morons asking.

Puberty is a phase when the comings and goings of adults are insignificant. This is easily detected from the over use and emphasis on vowels in their speech. The 'Teensound': sounds pathetic and dispicable "-Doooon't staaaart!" Breaks your heart doesn't it? You can already imagine your young child saying that to you in few years time.

There is only one cure for this disease: time. It is abundantly clear that with time the teens legs will shrink to the size of the french fries they eat and their mouth's form to the shape of Salami Pizza's or Big Macs. Their ear's will stretch so that the biggest head phones will fit into them. Their thumbs will double in size and switch places.

The teens are not laughing.

"Am I bovered? speak to the hand"

If they're not 'bovered' then they genuinely are not interested. All you can do is shout out OMG (or Oh my God, to those who still speak properly) or LOL (laugh out loud) and try and agree that the teens' black T-shirt that says Violent Femmes is pretty cool.

"It's a band you moron! I ain't bovered!"